"free your mind and the rest will follow"-en vogue

just so you know, i will be naming all blog titles after songs. i think blogs are gimmick-y anyway, so this shall be mine.

i hope my previous post is as debbie D as they ever get. i was hesitant about starting this process in that way, but i also want it to be real. there was a lot of anxiety leading up to giving my notice at work. while i have tons of support from the most random people, love and comfort from dear friends...i also have just enough negativity from those that matter most to me to bring me down. i had no idea how important encouragement was at that moment. but then....something amazing happend:

i found all that i needed. on my own.

i also discovered that all really challenging (read: meaningful) things in life must usually be done on your own. i mean, no matter the support from anyone, only i could muster up the courage to tell my boss i was leaving. no one could actually do that for me. in typical ME fashion, i gathered various media to assist me. i watched 'iron jawed angels'...a HBO film about women suffragists. what these women went through was hardly compared to my current worry. their objective was to obtain rights for half the population...mine: completely self-serving. i couldn't help but think though...all their efforts allowed me to obtain a great job, make money (although not as much as the less competent man sitting next to me doing the same job) and then also to leave it to do what is right for me. what is right for me just so happens to be anything that is serving the people. the real people. i think they would be proud. i imagine lucy burns giving me the victorian equivalent of a high five. you go girl.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucy_Burns

i also have been making a 'posi-core' music mix. yes, that means hardcore positive. i heard that once and i knew that it was so ridiculous that i would find a way to use it someday. it is still developing...once it is solid, i will share. i am so captivated by P!NK's "f*cking perfect". i can listen to it over and over. a message we all need: you are perfect to me. someone out there thinks that about YOU. it doesn't even have to by your partner or your family...it could be some total rando who sees you as exactly as they want to be. don't you ever feel less. fuck yea, carey hart's wife.

although there is still so much planning to do...and the contradicting information we continue to get about africa is so exhausting, i feel amazing. i feel so strong. we had our first snow storm yesterday. normally plagued by so much anxiety, heightened while driving a car, i drove home last night in the worst of it at peace. i think once you remove some stress and anxiety is some arenas of your life, it reveals itself in others. i was able to recognize that driving in the snow, however dangerous or scary, really isn't that big of a deal. it is manageable...it's part of life, just do it! small victories, yall!

i feel rejuvenated already. i can't wait for this next chapter of my life. for the first time, i am so excited about what the future holds for me. mostly, i can't wait to share some not-based-out-of-fear, genuine positivity with the world.

for a change.